Monday, June 29, 2009

What if sorrow makes room for joy?

I'm struggling. I feel heavy, lumbering, awkward. When I try to write smaller...when I try to tame the bramble of my own thoughts...to narrow and sort through the tangle of emotion that drifts through my quiet times, I feel I'm just plucking at shadows.

It's a struggle to even write this blog. My handwritten journal these days is wooden, grasping, repetitious.

Absently, I find myself listing loved ones and friends lost in recent days and years, recording their names carefully and reverently on my journal page. Then I continue with those who are slowly fading from view, somewhat surprised by the length of my list...and ashamed how the dead and dying become lost or forgotten in the midst of our life and living.


No wonder I feel empty. As though I, too, am reshaping, transitioning.

I'm being taught.

I wonder...if you can meet life without understanding death, can you then meet death without understanding life?

"It never occurred to me that feeling empty might actually be the route to something deeper and richer within."
Tony Schwartz



"The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain." Kahlil Gibran

5 comments:

Shelley said...

Oh my Deb how accurately you have described my soul of late. Perhaps it's our age whereupon we notice those around us that we have lost (or are losing). I recall being younger and not really taking notice, however, as I have moved into my 40's things have changed. So many losses.
The pictures in your blog on this one are wonderful- so 'reflecting' of one's feelings.

herhimnbryn said...

From one stranger to another, I send you something that was sent to me....it helped.

'If I should go before the rest of you
Break not a flower nor inscribe a stone,
Nor when I'm gone speak in a Sunday voice
But be the usual selves that I have known.

Weep if you must
Parting is hell.
But life goes on
So sing as well.'

Joyce Grenfell


I hope it helps you too.

Diane said...

I was so taken in by your title and drawn right on through to the final quote by Gibran ... I hope Gibran is right. The second person to comment has left a really beautiful and uplifting thought for you. I think I shall hang on to those wise words as well since I too continue to feel the sorrow of those losses you speak of.

Crayons said...

Hi What If,
Thank you for this heartfelt message and for the photos. You describe your feelings so well. I can certainly relate to the feeling of helplessness. Death has a way of breaking complacency into pieces.

Maybe you are feeling that way because that's the way you are supposed to feel right now. Maybe if you try to fight it or cover it up, you might loose the lesson that life holds for you?

The Giraffe Head Tree said...

As always, you give me much to ponder. Thank you - I wish you well, Deb.