Recently, I've been wading through some turbulent times (see last week's post), finding myself in a position where I've been advantage of and treated poorly. I allowed it to happen because...well, I hate making waves. Inevitably, I swamped.
I ranted in anger, tossed and turned at night, had countless conversations with myself (in which I am righteously eloquent and effective), and wrote pages and pages and pages in my journal. (Damn it, even my tranquil woodland trail has been overrun with coyotes lately and I don't feel safe there. I'm thinking they've been drawn in by my angry energy.)
I've just been miserable. But I figured it was better to let it out, than to keep it inside.
It worked. I'm exorcised. Empty.
Now I can look for the fish. I no longer see turbulent water, but valuable feeding grounds. Now I can see what an opportunity this was for me.
I learned some valuable lessons through my turmoil. I learned to clearly define what I believe. Out loud. Put it to words. ( I believe...) That's the easy part. The hard part is pairing action with belief. If my actions do not uphold that belief, then I diminish it. It loses its value.
I recognized that in defense of my belief, I might have to take a terrible loss right now, but doing so for the right reasons would bring me long term gain far beyond what I can see from here. And I reached a place where I felt the risk was worth it.